The CD

It started out as a thoughtful gift.  Something I thought we’d cherish together for years to come. We’d listen to the songs and reminisce about how our relationship blossomed; sharing the memory behind each song.

Then you changed everything. With one quick & fool hearty decision you ended what we had.

But I still wanted to make the CD.  I became focused on finishing that one task so that I could send it to you, and you’d have my token.  My token of affection, of love, of cherished memories.  Sent to you in a manila envelope complete with a handwritten note saying "I hope you think of me and our love when you listen".  I even added a few "goodbye" songs that had somehow became ours through post break up conversations.  

I pictured you listening to it, hoped that you would.  Hoped that you would remember what you suddenly seemed to have forgotten: How much we loved each other.

I made a copy for myself.  I can’t bear to listen to some of the songs.  And others just haunt me.  Little did I know when the idea for the CD started in my mind that it would come to fruition only to end up being the soundtrack to my sadness.  The songs play in my head like background noise becoming a dull ache that I can’t seem to get rid of.  You texted to say that you miss me, you were listening to the CD and thinking of me.  You’d also been drinking.

I never wanted it to turn out this way.  I wanted the CD to be special for the happiness it represented.  Now it’s just a heartbreaking reminder of what was and maybe could have been.

Maybe I should just burn the stupid CD.